OWN YOUR NEED OF SOMEONE
Some time ago I was observing how I reacted when someone said to me, "you are needy".
What struck me was the emotional reaction it triggered in me.
I wanted to scream
"I DON'T NEED ANYONE! I'M DOING GREAT ON MY OWN".
Even worse, when I was told that such and such a person saw it in me, it made me very angry, and I wondered how people who couldn't have a healthy and stable relationship, either with themselves or with someone else, could come and make a judgment.
As I observed this reaction, I began to think that something was wrong, and I started to observe what we have been listening to for years in the spiritual or personal development field (by the way, I already wrote a similar article a year ago, talking about the evolution, of personal development, towards relational development).
The personal development, has led in my opinion to a lot of individualism and egoism, a necessary step in each one to find his own power, to think about himself, to come back to the center, to detach himself from the hold of the external world and the look of the others.
In this extreme we have reached a point where we have achieved this pride, to be able to say "I am fine on my own" as a grail, or a goal to achieve.
As in any learning movement, it seems that we experience one extreme and then the other before returning to the center.
A center between dependence and independence.
As a teenager, how many times did I say to my parents, "I don't need you" "I'm independent"... well today I can say it, I need them, and I need their love.
The same goes for all my relationships. Out of fear, I have created an unconscious protection system, so that I don't need anyone, out of fear of being indebted, out of fear that one day someone might say to me "look what I did for you". It was always easier to let others need me, it left me in a position of strength, avoiding being indebted.
The funny thing is that life always takes you along, living the dramas necessary for our learning. Recently, I had started to open myself to receive and need the other, for example, I was using a friend's car, I realized that I was using this car with fear, with fear that at some point this friend would reproach me, or that I would feel obliged to do something for him in return, we had come to an agreement, and I was paying for the car's gas, and as we always attract our fears, I triggered a situation, or I was confronted with the exact words I was afraid to hear.
Between fear and love? what do we choose? At the time I reacted with fear, closing myself off to this friendship, telling myself I don't need anyone, I'll go rent a car next time. When I replay this situation, I see that it is part of a much deeper process, accepting to receive without fear, and no longer considering my need for the other as a weakness. Preventing me from creating a real connection with the people around me, for fear of rejection, judgment, betrayal.
I need someone in my life
What brought me to a deep personal realization, and how I always protected myself, wanting to show that I could do it alone.
Ask and heaven help you
Ask and receive ...
I need air
I need water
I need food
I need love
I need friends
I need a man in my life...
Why "needing" something or someone sounded like something abnormal, or bad to my ears for so long. We do have primary needs? Love is one of those primary needs.
For so long I have been stubbornly telling everyone that I was doing great alone, it seems that I created my reality from the words I was saying, at what point can we leave room for a person in our life, if we spend our time telling the universe that we want to be alone?
The mind puts in place so many strategies, each one more refined than the next, to protect us.
I would rather die than relive what I have already lived
The wounds and sufferings we have gone through have pushed us to build barriers and to reject parts of ourselves. Today, I see that the part of me that is in need of affection, that part of me that is in love, that believes in love, that believes that a harmonious relationship is possible, that part of me that is naive, innocent, I believe that it is one of the most beautiful parts of me.
So yes, I need others, and I need a man in my life. If you're hungry and reject that need, you'll end up binge eating at some point. So if you reject your need for love, it is quite possible that it will turn into a slimy emotional dependency.
Owning, recognizing this need, is a profound key to being able to manifest it. To be able to live a sincere romantic love, and healthy relationships with all those around us, by recognizing that we need others, as much as they need us.
(Mayan greeting: I am another you)
Alison - Magnetic Yellow Warrior