This Book That Disturbs… Welcome Home
- Alison Sarah
- Aug 7
- 5 min read
(A Love Declaration)
This year has been, without a doubt, one of the most life-altering of my life.
A true initiation.
A call to see beyond appearances, beyond death, beyond even the idea of loss.
About two years ago, I chose to take a break from ancestral medicines.
Something inside me felt the call for a different kind of shedding.
So I dedicated myself to studying A Course in Miracles.
I explored it with depth, sincerity, and passion.
And then, little by little, the dream’s turbulence drew me away.
Not entirely. But subtly.
Even though my words continued to convey its essence,
part of me listened to the voices around saying:
“Put the Course down for a while.”
And yet, I never truly managed to part with it.
A Brother’s Reminder
I was recently speaking with a dear friend, Leo.
I was the one who reintroduced him to the Course,
after he had some mystical experiences that were already pulling him in that direction.
And for a long time now, we’ve been exchanging thoughts almost daily,
sharing our insights, our resistance, our moments of wonder.
If that isn’t a gift —
to walk this path with a brother in the dream.
And now, it is he who reminded me.
I saw his steadiness, the clarity with which he had anchored the Course in his life,
even creating deep videos where he bridges the Course’s message with other traditions.
I listened to him speak of peace, gentleness, grace…
and I could feel the call I had set aside stir within me.
I too wanted to create.
But I had lost part of my grounding.
And I believe there was another layer of forgiveness to be done.
Not about an outer form.
But about this old residue of the secret dream:
the belief that choosing God
meant losing the world’s love.
The fear of being seen as too radical.
Too mental. Too serious.
Or that others would judge my human flaws
as the consequence of being “too into the Course.”
And behind all of that, an ancient terror:
that the ego would turn against me if I went too far in this remembrance —
as if it would punish me for betraying the world it had made.
But this…
this is precisely the secret dream:
the belief that God will reject us,
that He is angry,
when in reality, it is we who have rejected Him.
And now, we project that fear onto others.
We imagine they will exclude us, turn away,
when they’re simply reflecting our own rejection of God’s memory.
It’s me who’s still afraid of the light.
Me who still thinks I must choose between God and the world.
And it’s this conflict : illusory, but painful ...
that the Course comes to heal.
The Miracle of the Voice
For months, an idea kept coming back:
creating meditations based on the Course,
reading the lessons aloud and turning them into what I’ve called contemplative meditations.
And I finally launched that project.
Starting the recordings, after Leo’s videos
and his steady commitment had reignited the impulse…
Something opened up.
I can’t even explain it.
One morning, I simply began to read…
and the tears came.
Not tears of pain.
But of recognition.
Of return.
Peace returned.
Tenderness.
And this inner certainty, clear as the sky after rain:
The voice that speaks in the Course is the Holy Spirit in me.
And I have no desire to put it down again.
A Universal Reminder
This morning, I came across this quote by Kenneth Wapnick:
“A Course in Miracles is only one spiritual path. But whatever path we choose, regardless of its symbols, the only way to return home is to relinquish the belief in the self that believes in separation, anger, pain, and death.”
And that says everything.
It’s not the book itself that’s sacred.
Not the vocabulary, nor the symbols.
What matters is the unlearning of the separate self.
So if your path isn’t the Course, that’s okay.
If your call leads you elsewhere…
but leads you to remember you never left Love,
then you are already on the right path.
Why So Many Open It… and Close It
There are books we skim.
That we quote.
That we leave on a nightstand.
And then, there’s A Course in Miracles.
It’s not a book you read.
It’s a book that reads you.
That strips you down.
That tears apart everything you think you are.
And that’s precisely why it’s often closed.
Too soon.
With fear.
With resistance.
Sometimes even with mockery.
But if it’s meant for you…
it will return.
It knows how to wait.
And one day, it will take your hand.
And it won’t let go.
Even Eckhart Tolle,
often associated with a soft and gentle path,
speaks of the Course with depth and reverence.
“A Course in Miracles is a very powerful teaching. But it is not for everyone.”
He says this not to exclude.
But to honor the radical clarity of its message.
Because the Course doesn’t soothe the ego.
It undoes it.
It doesn’t promise a better life in the dream.
It invites you to wake up from the dream.
Tolle even goes further:
“The egoic mind structure can easily take hold of even the purest, noblest spiritual teaching and use it for its own ends. This is why A Course in Miracles, when truly understood, is an unrivaled antidote to spiritual arrogance.”
And awakening can feel harsh…
if we’re still attached to illusion.
Not a Comfortable Path…
…but it is a path of Love.
It will ask you to question everything:
your spirituality, your perceptions, even your identity.
But it will never condemn you.
It will wait.
And when you’re ready, it will welcome you with this truth:
“You think you are destroyed, but look, my brother: you are still as God created you.”
A Love Beyond Form
Today, I’m no longer afraid to say that I love this book.
Not for its style.
Not for its intellect.
But because it is, for me,
the clearest voice of what I truly am.
It brought me back to innocence when I had lost faith in myself.
It taught me I am not my thoughts.
That I am not alone.
And that peace never depends on the world.
It taught me to forgive…
not as a noble act,
but as a radical release of the perception of separation.
And I will never be able to put into words
the gratitude I feel for having these words appear in my dream,
in this form.
I will never be able to describe the depth of the joy,
the tenderness,
the quiet bliss I feel when I think of our brother J.,
who gave this voice to the world.
Today, I understand that this path…
I walk it only for myself.
I’m not inviting you to follow the same path.
I’m not even inviting you to read this book.
I’m simply inviting you to recognize the peace you already are.
And if, for you as for me,
that remembrance comes through this book…
Then I say:
Welcome home. 🕊️
Another article will follow soon, offering a gentle reflection on a very common confusion: believing we’ve “understood the Course”, without ever really reading it. This isn’t a criticism, but an invitation to humility, and to listening. Because this book is not meant to be skimmed, but to be surrendered to. And only in the living relationship with its words can the miracle truly unfold.
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