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Writer's pictureAlison Sarah

Spiritual Transformation to True Liberation: My Journey with Ayahuasca and Non-Duality

Updated: Oct 28




For a long time, I was seduced by the promises of New Age practices, approaches that seemed to offer a way of transforming my ‘character’. I was convinced that by ‘working’ on myself, by improving certain parts of my being, I could finally achieve this state of inner peace. Whether through protection rituals, healing, visualisations to attract abundance, or energetic practices to repel negative forces, each new technique promised transformation. And yet, despite my constant efforts, something was missing.

Then one day, I came across the UCEM course in miracles, like an old friend to whom I said hello, listened for a while and then ‘Chao’, I left. As much as I was attracted by what he had to say, a part of me didn't want to listen to him. Oh no, I had other ideas in mind, I wanted a miracle, but in my own way, as I had decided.

So I continued to experiment, with quantum science and other things, to learn how to control matter. Up to a certain point, it did work and I was able to manifest what I wanted, to harmonise the physical body. But then why did I still feel so empty? I didn't feel any joy, I was indifferent to everything I achieved, and the only thing of real value to me remained out of reach. I think for as long as I can remember, all I've ever wanted is love. Without really understanding the form it should take.


It was during an Ayahuasca ceremony that something finally snapped inside me. It was unbearable anyway, something had to change, you know that phrase? Well, every time I've heard it from a tearful participant, or even from someone close to me, it's always been the marker that something inside us is finally ready to listen.


I was confronted with all my illusions, my attachments and my beliefs. It was a direct confrontation with what I was running away from All my attempts to improve myself, to reach a state of ‘spiritual perfection’, all the guilt, which were just strategies of the ego to stay at the centre of my quest Even in my spiritual efforts, the ego was still playing the game, disguised under a more ‘enlightened’ guise.


Looking back, I can now see how beneficial this experience was I realised that every attempt at ‘healing’ or transformation was just a subtle way of continuing to feed the very persona I was trying to overcome. It was another struggle, another fight, but this time disguised as a spiritual quest. Something had to be achieved


It was all a dream There was nothing to heal, nothing to transform There had never been any monsters under my bed.


And that's when the non-dual teaching through UCEM came like a breath of fresh air. It offered me a clarity that I wasn't even looking for at the time I understood that true liberation is not a question of transformation, but of surrender It's not a quest for a ‘better’ or more ‘spiritual’ self. It's simply the recognition that everything we think is real - all those fears, projections and ‘negative energies’ we try to protect ourselves against - doesn't really exist. We spend our lives fighting against shadows, forgetting that these shadows are simply reflections of our own mistaken beliefs.


I have to admit that, at first, this realisation was both exhilarating and terrifying. If all this was just a dream, what would become of the years of practice, the rituals, the thousands of euros invested in quantum machines, sound frequencies etc. that I had built to feel safe in this world? It took me a while to really integrate this understanding


But gradually, this idea began to take root deep inside me: there's nothing to fear... As I moved through these shadows, as I stopped fighting them, I realised that they had never had any power over me.

A friend said to me not long ago: ‘It's when you take off your armour that you become invincible.


This phrase resonated strongly The armour I was wearing - these protective practices, these rituals to ‘defend’ myself - was just a shield against my own illusions. By putting down that armour, by choosing to be vulnerable and to stop fighting, I discovered a strength I'd never even known I had. Invincibility lies not in protection or transformation, but in the recognition that nothing can really threaten us, because everything is an illusion.


Today, I see with humility the places where my ego subtly interfered, even on my spiritual path. I understand how I was trapped by this idea that I had to improve, heal or transform something in order to achieve peace. But this journey, with ancestral medicines and non-dual teachings, has enabled me to see that peace is not something to be attained. It's already there, beneath the layers of fear and struggle we create. All we have to do is lay them down


Today I feel an unshakeable certainty about the path I've taken. This certainty is not based on external beliefs, but on a deep inner well-being, an authentic joy that has nothing to do with what the outside world has to offer.

This joy, this peace, is not the fruit of a transformation, but of a liberation. I no longer seek to obtain anything, nor to push away anything that might threaten me. Everything is seen for what it is: a projection of the mind, a dream in which it's time to wake up.


The path I've travelled with ancestral medicines has helped me to open my eyes and see the illusions I was carrying. But it was the course in miracles that, by putting into words the absolute precision of what we were experiencing, helped me to understand that there was never anything to fear, that peace and joy are our natural state once we stop trying to fight shadows that have never really existed.


Today, I live in this quiet certainty, a state of being that settles in day after day, so yes, today I know that joy is the most natural thing in us.

The first step is to recognise that we've made a mistake, that if we feel so bad, it's because we've chosen to listen to the wrong voice, that we've made an illusion real - that of the ego which, with its empty promises, keeps us prisoners in a cage to which we hold the key.


You can't even imagine the extent to which we are limited to defending the ego, defending the illusion and defending our beliefs. We fight to maintain this false identity as if our lives depended on it, when in reality it's the illusion that keeps us suffering.


All our pain, fears and conflicts are rooted in our attachment to this false voice, the one that makes us believe that we are separate from Love. It's not so much the ego that's powerful, but our determination to defend it, to believe in its lies.

We are convinced that this fragile little ego is our true nature, when the truth is that we are much more than that. The Course invites us to reverse this process: to stop fighting to maintain these illusions and to recognise that behind these beliefs, immense peace and joy are simply waiting to be welcomed.


Awakening is a bit like looking for your glasses for hours on end, only to realise that they've been on your head the whole time That moment when you sit down to meditate, ready to free yourself of all your illusions, and suddenly, boom, you burst out laughing as you realise that there's nothing to free, nothing to find, and that you've been running around looking for a treasure... that's been in your pocket all along


It's a cosmic laugh, the kind of laugh that shakes your whole being, because you finally understand that everything you thought was so serious - your dramas, your fears, your quests - was just an enormous ego farce. The joke You made it up yourself. And when you see it, really, it's the kind of laughter that sets you free for good.

Alison Sara







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